The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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