Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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