my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
