I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
