He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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