I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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