I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
