Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
