but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
