He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
