No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize