Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
