Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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