I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
