I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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