Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize