This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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