Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
