I puked a lego.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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