I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
