So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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