she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
they're like a gay fantastic four
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
