just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Im part way to drunk.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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