I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
