Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
