I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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