I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
