Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
