Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I need water and some morals
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
