Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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