Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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