The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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