Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
