if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
thus making me awesome and them whores
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
