its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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