I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
