i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
