Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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