i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
