Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
