everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
