My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have feelings that need drinking.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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