he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
