yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
