i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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