i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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