I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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