No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
