Walk of Shame. In a state park.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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