I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
