I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
