i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
