He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
