did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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