ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
