Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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