he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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