My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
