dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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