i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
