Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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