Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
