was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
