haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
